Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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