i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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