did you get engaged???
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
