You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
