I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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