rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
