I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's never too late to be topless.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i think my cat just said my name.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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