Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
