sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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