I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
two words...techno handjob
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
