talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
from now on my penis is your penis
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
