Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
