cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
