My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
