i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
