im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You don't make any sense
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