I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.