did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.