Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack