He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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