Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
