i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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