he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
