would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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