You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
