My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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