I wish I could teleport
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
