No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize