I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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