I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I need moral support for this bender
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?