Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
