I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
