When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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