No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
