I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
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Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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