Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
