Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
