Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
