My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found a bag of teeth...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
