when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
