What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
