im about as happy as oj after his trial
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
