After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
