Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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