Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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