Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
