Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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