Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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