I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
