So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Are we still banned from the library?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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