can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
