He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
