we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize