i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
