I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
