My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.