Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.