I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"