Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
