can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
