There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
