I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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