accomplished twins. life is a go
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think your dad took our porno
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.