one might say we're banned from that church
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?