sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.