you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun