Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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