I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
