some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
