Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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