Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
