i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
