why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I understand Curling. That high.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
