I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
