Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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