Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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