I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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