My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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